Movement V:
Elegy
“Malron,” she said
suddenly with uncertainty and doubt, “Did I do right?”
“You did, sister,” he said, gazing at the night sky
brilliant with stars.
“Then why does doubt remain?” Malron was silent,
and she answered her own question. “I am so very alone. Only you
remain. Arion is
dead. I gave him the stroke of mercy with my own hands. Gelvar will be
devoted
to Janya now, and Haldad and Haldar are dead.” She faltered, and then
said in a
trembling voice, “I still cannot believe that they will never come
back, my
father and my twin.”
“You will eventually. The shock is too near now.”
“I should have remembered the last five rules you
taught me,” she whispered as she wept. This time, it was not the wild
sobbing
that had racked her right after the battle—both
battles—nor the cold, self-accusatory grief that had consumed her a
week later,
but the gentle sorrow that heals. She squeezed her eyes shut against
tears and
her voice caught against her throat. She coughed then said, “I am a
fool.”
“No, Haleth. You cannot understand the rules until
you have experienced them.”
“But I should have known what would
have happened. I should have been able to predict
and prevent it. So many shadows,” she said. When a chill wind washed
over her,
she shivered and hugged herself tightly.
But surely it was only her imagination that
something in the air whispered, Be at
peace, Haleth. You have done well. Now you must learn to love and live.
Be at
peace.
She repeated, “So many shadows. They grow and blot
out the light and then they slither closer to me. There are too many
shadows
inside me, and too many new-healed scars. Do they ever go away?”
“Only you have the power to dispel the shadows. But
the scars—no, they never fade. They can only heal.”
I am so very
sorry, my father, my brother, she said silently to her haunting
ghosts
before saying to Malron, “I should have known. And I never told them
how much I
loved them both before they died.”
In an uncanny echo of what only she had heard,
Malron said, “Be at peace, Haleth. You could not have done more than
you did.
Because of your actions your people live. Because of you Haldad and
Haldar’s
bodies did not lie to be desecrated by the orcs. Because of you Janya
and her
child live. Because of you a new hope for the Haladin has been planted
and
thrives. Send your shadows scattering. The scars will remain, but do
not let
your shadows eat at you. Remember how you loved them and how they
lived, not
how they died. And they knew that you loved them; you did not need to
tell
them. Be at peace.”
Be at peace,
the wind whispered back.
She gazed into the West, where the Valar were. In
the West lay the Hall of Mandos, but her loved ones would not bide
there, for
they left Eä as she one day would. The prospect of her dying
unremembered
seemed foolish and trivial, and Haleth did not even comprehend the
emotions she
had felt nearly a year ago. Yet it seemed as long as a lifetime.
Eru, watch
over them, she prayed silently.
“I will be at peace some day. I will heal,” she
said aloud, and with a start, she realized that it was true. Her heart
would
never be the same again, but it would heal. They sat there for an hour
in
companionable silence until they saw a shooting star, and Malron said
that they
should go inside. She said only, “Malron,” but that word was filled
with such
love that Malron embraced her before taking her hand like a child. She
leaned
against him, taking comfort in that Malron would always be there for
her
whenever she needed him.
Be at peace.
The words echoed in both their minds as brother and
sister took one last look at the brilliant stars, and then walked
slowly back
to where the people of Haleth waited.
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