"Really, Auros, I'm fine! I have so much to read and not enough time! You three go have fun!"
Dinmir sat ringed by tidy stacks of wordy tomes, clutching a book in front of her face, open to a page she'd definitely been reading. Just because it was a random book opened to a random page the minute Auros came in didn't mean she wasn't reading it. She set it down only long enough to take the volume Auros had picked up and set it back in its proper place in the collection. Auros wasn't convinced. Why couldn't he just believe her and go? It'd be easier. Instead he put on his disapproving scowl and grimaced.
"You've been shut up in your room for the last three weeks." Auros sat outside her ring of books, hands on his knees, staring at the backs of his hands. He'd taken that position the moment he walked in. "You refuse to come out with us. Ever since—"
"I have not been shut up in my room. I've gone down for breakfast, and dinner, and I've done my chores, and... and... stuff. I'm fine. I just have so many books to read. Look at all these! I can't up and run off with all these books waiting!" She was smiling. She knew she was because she could feel herself smiling. She looked happy. Maybe he would notice if he would look at her instead of keeping his head down like he was afraid to see where he was. "You can tell Aldawë I'm fine. I know he sent you. Tell Farothel I'm fine too. I'm fine, and I'm happy. They don't need to worry. You all can go play without... without me." The words choked out of her. No, she was happy. She was happy! She wanted to be here with her books!
Auros' mouth opened, then closed, then opened again and closed. His jaw worked. His words, not so much. He tried again, and a syllable found its way. "Are..."
"... Are what?" She lowered her book. Auros never had trouble saying anything. What could be so difficult?
Auros balled his hands into fists and pressed them into his knees. "Are..." He clenched his teeth and tightened his fists, fighting to force the words out. "Are... are we... friends?" An odd tone colored his question, like he expected after all this time Dinmir would say they weren't friends, they never had been, that he assumed too much, and that she never wanted to see him again. He said it like he wasn't sure he really wanted to know, but knowing wasn't a choice.
"Of course we're friends!"
Auros nodded, but his shoulders dipped and he sighed as if she might change her mind. Then he sat straighter, lifted his head, set his jaw, and looked her in the eye. Oh no. She ducked down behind her book again, but it was too late. Auros dug his hands into a crevice between the bookstacks and pushed them aside. "You don't want to be here."
"What do you mean? Of course I want to be here. I wouldn't be here otherwise." If the book were any closer to her face her breath would write those words into it.
"No you don't. You want to be out there." Auros thrust a finger at the window.
"Auros... I have books!" Dinmir had books! She loved books! She loved reading! Of course she wanted to be there behind all her books! She pulled the books back into place in the ring. It was a ring of books, not a wall, and anyone who said otherwise just didn't understand.
"You want to be out there with us, and the only reason you're not is because—"
"No! I'm happy here! I like reading!" She didn't want to talk about it. She didn't want to think about it. Why couldn't Auros let her be?
"You're not happy. You're here because—"
"No!"
"—because we went to climb a tree and you froze."
"I'm happy!"
"You're not happy. You're not content either, and if you stay here, you won't be happy or content."
Dinmir set the book in her lap and pulled the stacks closer. Books, she needed more books. Stack them higher. Make a nice tall ring between her and... there were so many to read. "That's not it at all!" Calm. She was calm. Not upset at all. "I wasn't going to run around with you three forever, you know."
"I know." Why does he have to sound so reasonable?
"At some point I was bound to find other things to be interested in."
"If that were the case now, I would accept it, but it's not. You're sitting here because you're afraid, not because you would rather read all these books than be outside. You fell out of one tree, and you're afraid you might fall again."
"No I'm not! I'm not afraid, and I love books!"
"I'm sorry Dinmir, I can't let you lie to my friend like that."
Dinmir blinked. Lie to his friend? But she was... That determined glare. He was serious. How could he be so him? She had it all contained, but Auros couldn't leave well enough alone. He kept at it, kept picking and picking until the wall crumbled. Now she couldn't keep it in. She closed her book and slapped it onto a stack.
"I'm not afraid, I'm mad! Mad at myself for getting distracted. Mad for slipping. For climbing so high for a stupid apple! For missing the branch. For falling, of all things! I've fallen while climbing before and caught myself on the way down! I'm mad that I was afraid as I fell! I'm mad that everything changed all of a sudden! I'm mad that I'm afraid of climbing! And I'm mad that none of this hit me until I was staring up at a totally different tree! What if you hadn't caught me? What if no one's there to catch me next time?"
Auros glared at the floor in front of him. "I don't know. I just know that if you choose to sit here, they win. You don't want them to win, do you? I won't let them, and neither should you." He put his hands on a bookstack, but instead of reopening a path, he stood up and wiped the book dust on his pant legs. "Farothel, Aldawë, and I have already discussed it. We're going to sit outside and wait for you. If you don't come out, we'll do it again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next until you're ready to join us again. Then when you stop, you can stop for a better reason."
As his foot crossed the doorway, Dinmir felt curiosity's incessant poking.
"Who would I be letting win?"
Auros turned halfway. A snort escaped before he could respond. His lips pursed and his body shook as he struggled to keep a straight face, but he lost that battle and a wide grin burst through. After another hard-fought battle, he managed to chortle out an answer.
"The apple trees, of course." Suppressed snorts and snickers followed him down the hall.
Dinmir chuckled, then snorted, then she laughed harder than the joke was worth. Tears streamed down her cheeks. Pushing aside the books, she snatched her cloak from its hook, dried her tears with the hood and dashed after him.
"Auros, wait up!"