Narn I Auros

No End To Toil

Second Age 3223, Late Lairë, Harlindon

by Eönwë-(Valar)
June 23, 2024

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.

Map spread out over the kitchen table, Auros sat planning the day's route with Dinmir as they waited for breakfast... if "planning" it could be called. So far it consisted of a suggestion by Auros and a reason why it wouldn't work from Dinmir. Repeat for each suggestion so far. That neither noticed the knocking at the door was to be expected: it had to compete with their debate. Farothel was too busy keeping his spoon whirring through a bowl of batter to join in. Auros grabbed the nearby pitcher of juice and refilled their cups.

"Ok, if we take this path, then I'll still have plenty of daylight to come back and work on the loft."

"I need to make these deliveries first, so we have to take this road." That road was a dead end, and he'd hoped to put those at the end. If they had to be the first deliveries, it meant retracing a portion of their route, and that would add another hour to their travel. If only they could cut through the woods, but the trees were too close together for the wagon.

Lairë was almost spent, and with Yavië nearing, Auros was glad Dinmir had at last begun to ease into her new life. Despite the ongoing repairs, the house had begun to look and feel like a home. Dinmir's home. Most of her knick knacks occupied places similar to those in her house in Imladris. The ones she liked to talk about, like the small statue of the dancing maiden Farothel gave her one year for her birthday, sat on a shelf or table nearby the chairs in her sitting room, eager to draw attention. Those she felt a connection to but wasn't eager to dwell on found themselves nearer the door, open to a compliment from a visitor, a quick reply by Dinmir, and then left in the past as the conversation moved to a more comfortable setting. Auros wondered if she'd intended that Arandil's parting gift, an ornate display table, sat as close to dead center between her accustomed chair and the door as she could manage. How she arranged the rest of her furniture so it didn't look out of place was another source of wonder.

"How about here, then here, and then we pick back up with my first path here." Auros tapped the table with his pen, his brow furrowed. Somehow there had to be a route that would give him enough time to deal with that loft overlooking Dinmir's sitting room. It'd become a workshop for her personal tailoring projects, at least until Auros had heard a most unsettling creak when he leaned against one the beams and it found its way to the top of his list of repairs. The more he and Dinmir went back and forth, the more Auros suspected he would have to resign himself to leaving it for another day.

Despite its apparent endlessness, he found peace in repairing Dinmir's house. Every board placed, every nail hammered was a reminder of time spent in Eregion with his grandfather. He saw again Grandpa's focused glare; the one everyone told Auros he'd inherited. The serenity granted through the work and the memories was different from the peace Auros got at the anvil, but no less meaningful. The assurance that, because of his effort, someone he cared about would be warm, dry, and safe was another facet of the reason he chose to draw a sword. He could understand why Arandil gravitated towards it.

Arandil. Bah. For better or worse, he'd made his decision. It took Dinmir some time to steel herself to it, but she had at last, or at least seemed to. Even two months later Auros was careful not to broach that particular subject. He couldn't bear to see the sorrow in those eyes when she thought of Arandil. The vow he swore for friendship's sake made him feel like he was the cause, like he should've done more even though he knew there wasn't any more he could do. That underserved guilt filled him with resentment for being forced to watch as, through hesitation and apprehension, Arandil wasted multiple chances to profess his feelings to Dinmir. He didn't like how that resentment towards a friend gnawed at him, and how that gnawing fueled and deepened the misery rooted in both Dinmir's sorrow and the vow.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.

Bah. Frustration at Arandil had pulled his mind from the day's work. Dinmir might not know what Auros was thinking about, but she'd noticed it wasn't the route. He loosened his grip on his cup and pointed back at the map. He hadn't been so deep in his own thoughts that he missed what Dinmir said.

"Ok, so that won't work either. I guess that decides it. I'll content myself with solving some other problem today."

"I'm sorry Auros."

"It's a matter of meeting your obligations. The repairs will be complete in time. Don't worry." He'd find a way.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.

Farothel turned away from the skillet he'd just put on the stove. His batter recieved a kinder glare as he retrieved its bowl than did Auros and Dinmir. "Guys, I can cook breakfast or I can answer the door. Which would you rather me do?"

What a rare and perfect opportunity for Auros to strike. Dinmir was caught mid-swig so she couldn't reply. He tipped his own cup to his lips to hide his smile. "Well, that's easy. Cook the door, then answer breakfast."

It took a moment, but at last came the hitch as his retort caught Dinmir off-guard and she scurried to keep from spitting her juice all over the map. She grasped for the nearest napkin, and once she'd regained composure cleaned off her hand with a wide grin. "Wait until I put my cup down next time! Don't tell me you're expecting me to get up?"

"Well, it is your house."

"What if it's an orc?"

"Then tell him to wipe his feet and wash his hands if he expects to join us for breakfast."

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.

Dinmir did her best to sound annoyed as she sighed, but that unexpected quip had put her in too good of a mood to erase her smile. "Fine, I'll get it. You keep staring at the map and figure out the best route for deliveries."

"Aye." Auros grimaced at the squeaking floorboards Dinmir found between the kitchen and the front door. He took another sip from his cup, pulled out his list of repairs and added another line. The list had become half its original size, so it was about time new problems revealed themselves before things got too easy.

Dinmir's voice carried back to the kitchen as she opened the door. "Aldawë!"

Auros grinned at her excitement. It was good Dinmir was in such a mood again. "It's about time he got here." With that one name, their chances of completing the repairs in time had improved.

"And who..." Silence hung a little too long in the air. "Welcome! May you weary travelers find rest in my humble home!" Auros tensed. He could almost hear the curtsey in Dinmir's voice. Such formality was more than she would bother with for her brother; or for anyone Auros knew, even in jest. Despite its cheerful overtone, he could hear the waver in the undercurrent as a mishmash of emotions vied for supremacy. The sound of two pairs of feet followed Dinmir back to the kitchen. "Look who's finally made it!"

If Aldawë had come alone, they would've struggled, but Auros was confident they could've completed the repairs before the first snow and still helped Dinmir with deliveries. Had he brought Malril, or Curulin, or anyone else for that matter, everything would've gone as smooth as can be. Aldawë didn't bring Malril, or Curulin, or even Maikalkar, who would've been helpful with some stonework that needed looking over. No. Of all the people he could've brought with him, he chose Arandil.

Nothing. Auros chose to feel nothing. He had work to do. Elsewhere. Now. He rolled up the map and rose from the table. "I'll go prepare the wagon. Come out when you've eaten, Dinmir."

"There's still some time before breakfast will be ready. No point in being in a rush." The batter still wasn't ready because Farothel had been scooping extra blueberries into it.

"I'm not hungry. I'll be waiting." Whatever Farothel was making, Dinmir could have Auros' share. Let Dinmir have every blueberry in the batter for all he cared. She needed it more than he did.

"Auros?" Aldawë tried to look Auros in the eye as he spoke. Auros didn't much want to look anyone in the eye at that moment. It would reveal too much.

Whatever reason Aldawë thought he had to put his hand on Auros' shoulder, it wouldn't keep Auros from leaving. He needed to excise himself from the reunion while he still felt nothing. "Not right now. I have work to do." He pushed past and marched out the door. Someone followed close behind him. By the gait, it had to be Arandil. He of all people should know better than to follow Auros, but follow he did.

"Auros."

"Not now. I have work to do." Nothing. He. Felt. Nothing.

"Auros, listen to me."

"I've heard enough." Auros gripped his baldric. His name was as much as he needed to hear from Arandil. There was nothing, nothing, he could say that would subdue what Auros fought to contain. The stable wasn't far. It would seem it hadn't yet occurred to Arandil not to follow.

"I've told Aldawë."

So Aldawë couldn't claim ignorance in this farce. "That's nice." He pulled open the stable door as his jaw clenched. Nothing.

"You're free from your vow."

It was gone. All of it. All of Auros' carefully-crafted calm dissolved at those words. He wheeled around so fast Arandil had to take a step back. "Is that supposed to help?! Is that supposed to make everything better?!" Hands clenched and unclenched. His glare could bore a hole through a castle wall, and it was aimed at Arandil. His friend. He had to remind himself he was speaking to a friend. He felt everything. He was livid. Of all the people Aldawë could've brought with him, he chose Arandil, knowing... No, Aldawë couldn't know the full story, but the man before him had no such excuse. Everything Auros wanted to say tripped over itself in his mind. There was too much: too many choice words, too many reprimands, too many harsh reminders, all trying to come out at once. Auros took a deep breath, turned to the wagon, and gripped the ropes securing the day's deliveries. He was calm. He had work to do. There was someone counting on him. Maybe it was better Arandil followed him after all. It was more time for Dinmir to gather her thoughts. Better him than her. "What are you doing here, Arandil?"

"I'm here to help my friend's sister."

"Is that all? You're here to help your friend's sister?" Boxes groaned under the strain as their bindings shot from loose to taut.

"I've missed more opportunities than I care to admit. I'm sorry."

"Sorry?! Don't tell me you're sorry!" Calm. He was calm. Arandil was still his friend. A friend he wasn't feeling particularly friendly towards, but a friend nonetheless.

"I'm here because my friend told me his sister needed help. Tell me you wouldn't have done the same."

"Of course I would've done the same, but if I had such certainty as you had that the woman I loved returned that love, I'd be lending my aid for reasons much stronger than 'my friend's sister needed help.'"

"That's easy for you to say."

Auros slammed the ends of the rope against the wagon and wheeled on Arandil again. "Yes, it is easy for me to say, because either you take your chances or you give up altogether and move on. If you have intentions, you make them known. You don't sit on the fence so long your backside gets woodprints. If there was any doubt at all, any ambiguity, I could try to understand, I could even sympathize, but there was no mystery here. There was no 'maybe she does, maybe she doesn't.' You didn't even try to court her. How many chances did I have to find for you? How many times did Dinmir have to make her own feelings clear? What did you do instead? You dragged your feet until you had no good choices, and then you let her go without so much as an expression of regret. And now what? You're just here for whatever help Aldawë thought we needed? I'd rather bear the entire burden of this labor myself than have to stand by as what happened in Imladris happens again."

"It won't. I won't let it."

"I thought that once before. I thought only a fool would pass up every single opportunity to be with a woman who so clearly returned his affection. I thought I knew no one like that." Throughout Auros' admonishment, Arandil's hands clenched at his sides. He would dare say there was a noticeable spot of determination in Arandil's eyes if the man could bring himself to meet Auros' glare.

"I owe you an apology for swearing you to silence like I did. I owe you even more for being a friend with more faith in me than I deserved; but I've paid for my mistake, and I may pay even more yet. I may have lost already what I worked so hard for in the first place. Even if that's to be my fate, I refuse to spend my life wallowing in my failures. So far as I'm concerned, you're still my friend. I hope I haven't damaged that beyond repair, but if so I understand. What's most important right now is to help Dinmir. Once that work is done, then I can concern myself with small matters like my feelings for her."

His love for Dinmir a small matter? Bah. If there was one thing, one piece of knowledge Auros held true without reservation, it was that Arandil's love for Dinmir wasn't a "small matter." Auros wanted to believe him. He wanted to think this time would be different, but he could no longer afford that luxury.

"So we complete the repairs to Dinmir's house. What then? You just walk right up and ask for her hand in marriage? No prompt, no hint you ever had any inkling of it? Just, 'Sorry about not saying it sooner, but I love you so marry me?' You can't possibly expect after all this time that she's going to just fall into your arms."

"I don't, and obviously I couldn't go straight to a proposal. I'll be lucky if she would consider courting me, but I don't know what will happen. She could laugh in my face. She could show me the true meaning of scorn. Worst, she could feel nothing towards me at all. All I'm certain of is that I have to try. If she no longer loves me, you need not concern yourself. I'll never darken her door again. If there's still any hope she and I can be together, however, I won't miss this chance. I give you my word, for whatever it may still be worth to you."

A vow. Another vow. Enough with vows. Enough with giving one's word. If words meant nothing unless bound in an oath, what good were they? Try as he might, everything Auros wanted to say refused to come out. At last he sighed. This was Aldawë's problem now. Aldawë's the bard, not Auros. He dragged Arandil out here; he could find the words to smooth things over. Auros walked to the stable door and sent a shrill whistle into the morning air. A neigh sounded in reply and his horse came running. "Tell Dinmir I'll meet her and Farothel at her shop. Deliveries will have to wait until the afternoon." He leapt upon his horse's back. "Noro lim, Vercalussë." The horse shot to a gallop, jumped the fence, and they were gone.

***

CRAAAAAAACK!

The wood split and splintered as Auros flexed the sword along the crack before tossing it aside with the other two. He was lucky that one didn't snap off altogether. He couldn't afford to keep breaking them, and the padding on the pell he'd borrowed was looking worse for wear too. Perhaps the town's blacksmith could use another hand. The steel would hold up much better. He should see if they had some work when he wasn't busy helping Dinmir. Hah! Auros not busy. There was so much that still needed done, always a new problem that revealed itself once enough others were eliminated.

Three wooden swords broken since Auros started. Dinmir's door had opened upon Arandil an hour after sunrise, and it was now almost noon. If his earlier meditation on Arandil was a foreboding, it had come much too late, and Auros had yet to figure out how to resolve the dilemma the man's appearance created. He didn't know if he could stand to be around Arandil, let alone if Dinmir could; yet, if Dinmir overcame her own reservations to accept his aid, Auros would have no choice but to as well. He'd told Dinmir he would help, and his word had to mean something. The sword practice had failed to live up to his hope that it'd clear his mind, but he kept at it. He needed the calm, the peace. A corner of the woods near Dinmir's plot had offered that until Aldawë appeared, easing down off his horse as he spoke.

"I thought I might find you here. The drawback of a quiet spot is when you crack something like that, it can be heard for at least a league."

"What do you want, Aldawë?" Not that, at that moment, he cared for an answer.

"Peace between my friends, my sister to be happy, and maybe a moment or two of contentment for myself, if possible. You?" Aldawë retrieved two wooden swords from the sack on the ground and handed one to Auros.

All that, and peace with himself, would've been nice. Unfortunately, Arandil's appearance had disturbed the tenuous peace Auros had found. "Why did you bring him? Did he really tell you everything?"

"Yes he did." Aldawë examined the pell, his fingers tracing one of three impact points, little wider than the wooden sword Auros had used to make each. "I think you're the only person I know who has me convinced you could chop down a tree with its own branch." As he turned from the pell to Auros he must've realized levity wasn't going to help. "Which answer do you want? That he's our friend? That he's my friend? That he loves Dinmir, and Dinmir loves him?"

"Love is beside the point now. He had his chance, and he forfeited it."

"I'm not sure that's for us to decide." That Aldawë could know the truth and still entertain the man's love for his sister was unfathomable.

"Do you have any idea what it took for Dinmir to move on? Of course not, because you were too busy missing everything happening right in front of your face. You shouldn't have brought him."

"We need the extra hands, Auros. He has the expertise we need if we're going to get this done in time."

"Not at this cost."

Aldawë frowned, turned to the pell and took a swing. "Tell me my sister doesn't still love him. Tell me she's over him. Tell me there's no chance for him. Tell me he's not a good man who loves her enough to call your wrath down upon himself for one more chance, to risk my ridicule once my eyes were opened to the truth. Tell me he's unworthy, and I'll send Arandil away today."

Auros took a deep breath. He was calm; calmer than when Arandil first appeared, at least, and Aldawë didn't deserve so much ire. "I'm sorry. She's your sister. It's just... you and Dinmir are important to me, and I can't stand to see people important to me hurt."

"I'm sorry. I should've realized everything sooner, but I was looking in the wrong direction." He took another swing at the pell.

"What do you mean you were looking in the wrong direction? What other direction could you possibly have been looking in?"

Quick as lightning, a smile flashed across Aldawë's face as he glanced at Auros. It was gone before he focused back on the pell and took another swing. "It doesn't matter. What matters is that now I'm looking in the right direction, and Dinmir still loves Arandil, regardless of what she may say or do right now. I saw it in her eyes the moment they fell upon him. There's still some hope for them. I may not have been paying proper attention before, but I know my own sister well enough to know that. My blindness cost them, so I owe them both a fair chance. Will you help?"

Bah. Whatever Aldawë saw or didn't see, the blame lay with Arandil, not him. Auros stared at the pell, then at the wooden sword in his hand. He could call out a loud-mouthed blowhard who was too full of himself. He could compliment a maiden on her beauty. Those were easy; but these were the types of conversations that forced him to choose his words. He wrapped both hands around the hilt, then raised and lowered his sword as if he were measuring for a strike. "I don't have a sister, but if I had one—"

"You can borrow mine." Aldawë must've been relieved to see that quip drew a grin and a chuckle from Auros.

"If Dinmir were my sister, and I'd spent a great deal of effort trying to encourage Arandil to speak up, I'd have a difficult time forgiving him, friend though he is. I would've struggled watching his timidity, knowing she loved him too, knowing he knew she loved him, watching her anguish, watching her resolve herself to move forward without him when he failed to take any one of several opportunities, and watching as he just reappeared unannounced in her life. I would be angry and frustrated that I was forced to witness all this without saying a word. If he can't win her back without me, he doesn't..." Thinking the words was bad enough. Saying them proved impossible. "I was forced by a vow to someone I trusted to watch all this happen once. I can't be part of that again. Not won't. Can't."

"Believe it or not, I understand. Caught between two loyalties. Wanting her to be happy. Wondering what's holding him back. Then one day you see it and it makes more sense than you thought it would. I understand if you're against Arandil, but you and I both know he's a good man."

Auros thrust the point of his sword into the ground. "I'm not against Arandil, I'm for Dinmir."

"That's fair enough. Now let's go. I've taken over for Farothel today. He's going to make a welcome supper, and Arandil's going to start repairs on the loft. You and I have delivery duty."