Valar Guild

Diablo 2

The Diablo II Rants of Elros Tar-Minyatur

November 17, 2000

I wrote this article for guild enjoyment.


First of all, I'm writing this article as a present to the guild for our 3rd anniversary and because I have a few things to say about playing Diablo II (tactics, opinions, complaints, death threats). I have currently played every character for Diablo II for at least a couple of hours (except that worthless paladin), and have deleted many characters whose skill trees I have totally messed up on.

Previous characters

  1. Elros_V Level 29 Sorceress - Her skills were so spread out most were at level 1 and she made me angry cause she couldn't kill anything.
  2. TarMinyatur_V Level 22 necromancer - I don't have any idea why I deleted this one. Level 19 Skeleton mastery would have given me some really nice revives, but I forgot about them and the skeletons were starting to get really worthless.
  3. Tar_Valar Level 29 Hardcore Barbarian - Ok, I didn't actually delete this one he just died. It was such a pathetic death too. I had just finished killing four flayer shaman champions and was about to heal when i got hit by about 100 of those stupid rocks they shoot at you. Pathetic.
  4. TarMinyatur_V Level 39 Necromancer - This guy didn't have a messed up skill tree I just didn't like the way he played so I knocked him off too.

Here is a list of the two characters I play at the moment

  1. Elros_V Level 22 Sorceress - I love this one. Possibly the most fun you can have with a sorceress. Her main skills are Chain Lightning, Inferno, and Teleport. The Electric Stove Sorceress is her name and she dominates. No cold spells or tanking for me.
  2. Tar_V Level 42 Barbarian - This guy is fun to play also. Kill most things in one hit as a pole arm wielding bash-master. Kudos to Aule for getting me a REAL good Bec.

Tanking Sorceresses

These people make me very very angry. I both am sorry for offending you people that do play them and feel sorry as they are all the same. The basic plan here is to get as many skill boosting uniques as possible therefore creating many sorceresses that are the same. Most use glacial spike, frozen orb, or blizzard. They get all scared that their fire skills won't be any good against the high fire resists of Act 4. Well, not for long. The expansion pack adds act five which will have very different monsters. Also, there are only 5 monsters in Act 4 that actually have fire resists. Most tanking sorceresses use these items. Sigon's Guard, Culwen's Point, Duel Stones of Jordan, Tarnhelm, Treads of Cthon, Frostburns, and of course a rare ammy with +2 to all sorceress skills. Wow, that's original. What really frightens me about these people is that they think that they MUST have these items. I think all of these items release addictive nicotine into the air so that people become addicted to them. Most think that their frozen orb has to do unbelievable amounts of damage so they can win.

The best solution I have seen for this problem comes in the form of the tweaker sorceress. Basically this character has so many faster cast items that she can run through her entire mana pool in about 3 seconds. She can cast about 5 frozen orbs in the time it takes a Tank Sorceress to cast one.

Ugh Sword Barbarians

My only problem with these guys is that there are way too many of them. I think if you go into 100 games 95 of these will have a sword barb. In the same games I think you will see maybe 20 non sword barbs. Bah.

The Unique Item Addictions

Kind of a strange section here so let me explain. People (especially newbies) think that they need certain items (Wormskull, Stone Of Jordans, Frostburns, Silks of the Victor). When I see games named "Wormskull NEEDED" or "I NEED SOJ" I laugh. It's very comical to see people who think the game is unbeatable without these items. I mean those items are all great but you can get rares that are better (they are rare though :) ). The most obvious is sorceresses. I see so many culwen's point-wielding sigon-guarding sorceress that it scares me. I think that it is a secret cult plotting to take over some small island country.

The truth is staffs are the weapon that sorcies should use. Think about it. Let us say that CheeseFace is a glacial spike/chain lightning sorceress. She is specializing in these skills so doesn't have many points in others. What she should do instead of getting the Culwen-Sigon dealy is find a nice normal staff that gives +3 or 2 to glacial spike and chain lightning. Then use a saved up Charsi Imbue on it. When you get to a high level you get much better imbues as more modifiers are opened up (+2 to skills at level 84 :) ). This goes the same with most wands and scepters also.

Sigon's Guard. Who would have thought people would go to all the trouble to get one? You can get much much much better shields. I hear people say "I need the high blocking rate" but you can get a better blocking rate on many exceptional and rare shields. Bah.

Monsters I Just Plain Hate

Fetish. These guys are the most annoying things on the planet. Just when you are about to kill them they run away. Even more annoying are the Fetish Shamans. Not only do they raise the dead Fetish, but they use inferno too which is just a really good spell. They also cast some orange dots on other Fetish which I don't seem to understand the use of.

Next on my list of hated monsters are Vulture Demons. They have WAY too high of an attack rating. Not only do they hit you a bunch but they do mucho damage.

Champions are even worse. The good thing is that Undead Scavengers are Undead and so get 150% more damage from blunt weapons.

Next are Sextons. They don't have any life, but the large amounts of spells they have are horrendous. These guys have Blizzard, Lightning, Teleport, Cure, and even a close combat cold attack. Good thing is they die in one hit.

Ok, everyone hates these guys. Oblivion Knights. They do unbelievable amounts of damage. They still hurt my level 42 barb in normal difficulty. They have powerful magic shooty things which are bad and they cast curses which are bad too. They cast Decrepify, Iron Maiden, and Life Tap (I think). Decrepify and Life Tap aren't that bad as most other monsters in hell will die in one hit so they don't get much life back. Iron Maiden is painful with a barb. Especially when you are hitting at 250-750 damage and you nearly kill yourself with every hit.


These people are very very stupid. Not only is what they do stupid, but their IQ's land around the area of maybe 4. I have seen people asking for accounts and passwords and then people actually giving them. It's so obvious that you'd think the scammee was drunk/high out of his mind. Stupid People.

Snack Foods During Play

Here is a list of snack foods I think are fun and appropriate for Diablo II. If this article is getting strange trust me these are only rants and they will get serious sometime.

  1. Milk (not a food but very tasty)
  2. Goldfish-the cracker not the fish (orange and tasty, don't slobber though)
  3. Any type of hard candy (Lemon drops and other things that won't melt on your electric items)
  4. Fruit Roll-Ups (tasty and fun to play with!)
  5. Chewy Granola Bars (Tasty and have a special non-flaky quality)

The Subject Of Aule

This Canadian is a mystery. Silly Aule. I don't even know why I wrote this part. It makes absolutely no sense and has no relevance to anything on the face of the planet.


When I am playing D2 I usually listen to music, watch TV, etc. I have learned some lessons from this. Don't watch TV when your computer is three feet away. You will get recurrent radiation headaches. Music is okay unless it gives you a headache. When you get a headache, turn around and stare at some obscure place on the wall. This will make it go away. Or chug 2 cups of milk.

Staying Up Late

Many people stay up late to play D2. This not only allows for more playing time, but has many other unseen benefits. One, it allows you to have a comfortable sleep through most of the day. No chores. No nagging. Nothing, because you are asleep. Two, if your house is attacked by pranksters and TP'ers you can deal with them with cold blasts of hose water. (this HAS happened)

Homework and/or Work

I have found that homework is very stupid. Therefore, in order to increase my time on Diablo II I do my homework when my teachers are talking. This works well. One of the main key words is procrastinate. The other is also procrastinate.

Conclusion!!! (Finally!)

Here ends the conclusion of my rants. I wrote these for no apparent reason except to make a few of you laugh or lose a bit of respect for me. Ok, I hope you enjoyed my rants so have fun and keep playing. Read to succeed!

Elros Tar-Minyatur

P.S. Please send all comments or threats to

Rants 2!

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