Repentance

by Eonwe-(Valar)
Oct. 8, 2000
Stories

     It is over.  Though it was truly over long ago, most of the leaders of the rebellion have come at last to the Halls of Mandos.  Maglor and Maedhros were the last.  Maedhros should be here shortly; but as for Maglor, he must surely be alive, for I, Feanor, have not been sent word of his death.  Long have I been here in these halls, thinking about my deeds, about what drove me to them, about those who suffered because of me. I have been here long; for though I was the first to swear that terrible oath I was one of the first to be released from it.
     What folly!   Even at my death, I saw that we could not win, and yet I forced my sons to swear my oath again.  But now we are all here, my sons and my brothers and their sons, all save Maglor, who was not driven to death by my oath.
     Would that I had been there that day with my father! As Morgoth attacked my home at Formenos I should have been there.  At worst my journey here would have been sped, and much less evil have come upon Arda.  Or had I offered the Silmarilli to Yavanna as she asked, the Valar may have gone to war with Morgoth sooner.  Then my sons would have been safe.  But that was not how it was to be.
     But, could it be that some good came from my folly?  Would the Valar have acted in time?  Certainly had we not left Valinor to make war with Morgoth, then he would have overrun Beleriand, then all of Middle-earth before the Valar had time to act.  For many, many years the Noldor kept Morgoth in Angband.  But, I do not seek to justify what I have done, only to seek comfort in the good that came from it.
     I meet now my sons often, and we discuss times before our exile, and of great deeds done in Middle-earth, by Man and Noldo and Sinda alike, and we take council and design things of great skill and beauty.  At times I am also permitted to meet with my father and mother.  I do not think the Valar would deny my father this.
     It is good, also, that the Silmarilli are safe.  Earendil the Mariner, who came in time to save the Children of Iluvatar from Morgoth, now bears one far above in the sky as a sign of hope to all.  Maglor entrusted one to the sea; he survived the oath.  Maedhros, sadly, cast himself into the earth, and so the third lies within Arda itself.  But all three are now kept from Morgoth.  In time they shall be brought together again.  This I feel to be true.  Then perhaps they shall be used to heal the hurts I have caused, and all shall see the light of an age long past.
    Would that I could take the blame upon myself, so that my sons and my family could leave in peace.  Yet I feel that they will be released soon enough.  As for me, my time here in the Halls of Mandos shall not end for many years, both of Middle-earth and Aman.  But that is how it should be, that is how it must be; that I alone be made to suffer most for my oath.

The End

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